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Some Jokes – Forty Five

Some Jokes

Smoking Jokes

A study in Britain shows stressed-out women who work long hours eat more high-fat snacks, exercise less, and smoke more than their male colleagues. The study showed men’s reaction to women under such stress was to mercilessly berate them for eating more, not exercising enough and smoking too much.
The report found that poor eating habits were linked to one or more stressful events such as making a presentation, meeting with the boss and in particular, being the subject of a study about stress.
For men, working longer hours has no negative impact on exercise, caffeine intake or smoking, but did increase their state of denial about their receding hairlines, love handles and impotence.

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Cigarette commericials use cartoon characters to get people to start smoking. Where are the anti-smoking characters? I want to see someone out there saying, “I started smoking because of Joe Camel, but I quit because of Puff the Magic Dragon. It was a real eye-opener seeing him breathe fire through a hole in his throat.”

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“As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.”

“Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”

“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

“Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.”

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My husband, Stan, decided to give up smoking but needed help to overcome the habit. He consulted an acupuncture specialist, who inserted small needles at specific points in both his ears. “When you feel like smoking,” he told Stan, “put your fingers into your ears, and press hard on the needles.”

One day shortly after, while Stan was in the elevator in his office building, he had a strong urge for a cigarette. Since only the piped-in music accompanied him in the elevator, he put his fingers into both ears, closed his eyes and concentrated on pressing on the needles. Suddenly, the elevator doors opened and there stood a dozen people waiting to get on. Feeling rather foolish, Stan sheepishly removed his fingers from his ears in time to hear one of them mutter. “I don’t think the music is that bad.”

About Mohammad Daeizadeh

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