A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke.
The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and, of course, the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
Another woman walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, ‘Can’t you see I’m winning?’
Q. how do you confuse a blonde?
A. write on a piece of paper turn over and on the other side write turn over. Give it to a blonde and enjoy!
Q. How do you know that a blonde’s been on the computer using Microsoft Word?
A. There’s White-out all over the screen!
A smart blonde, a blonde, and a Santa Clause jumped off a bridge at the same time. which one hit the ground first?
The blonde! The other two don’t exist!
A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, “This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead.” The man at the newspaper said, “But for $25 you are allowed to print six words.” The woman answered, “OK.
Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale.”
A blonde wanted to take up a new hobby so decided to take up ice fishing. She got all of the equipment and set off to start her new hobby. She found a piece of ice and cut a small circular hole in it. On went the maggot on then end of her fishing rod and in went the rod into the water. Minutes later a voice came from above which said “there are no fish under the ice!” Confused she moved futher down the patch of ice that she had found. Once again, she cut a small circular hole in to the ice and in went her rod. Once again a booming voice made her jump. “there are no fish under the ice!” Confused she stuttered “God, God is that you?” “No this is not God, this is the manager of the ice rink!”