A man goes into the doctor with a penguin on his head.
The doctor says “What can I do for you?” and the penguin says
“well doc, it started as this growth on my foot…”
A man goes to the doctor and says “Doctor, it hurts when I do this”, and raises
his arm . “Well, don’t do it then”, says the doctor.
Q: Did you hear about the Ice Cream Sales man that was found dead in his store
covered in chocolate sauce and syrup?
A: Police think he topped himself!
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
2 – one to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured
Three vampires are sitting at a bar. Bartender asks the first one what he wants. “I
think I’ll have a glass of blood.” “Okay, what’ll you have?” he asks the second
vampire. “That sounds good. I’ll have a glass of blood too.” “And what can I get
for you?” he asks the third vampire. “I’ll have a glass of plasma” said the third
vampire. “Okay,” said the bartender, “That’s two bloods and a blood light, then.”
A polar bear walks into a bar and the barman says, “what would you like to
The polar bear hangs his head and sighs deeply and then sayss “I’ll have a pint of
The barman looks at the bear and says “why the big paws?”
What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do?
Stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
A termite walks into a cocktail lounge, and asks a customer, “Is the bartender here?”
A man goes to the vet about his dog’s fleas. The vet says “I’m sorry, I’ll have to
put this dog down”. The man is incredulous and asks why, and the vet says
“because he is far too heavy.”
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, the barman asks,”
Is this a joke?”