A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says : “Why the long face?”
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything.”
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says to the mushroom. “Hey we don’t
serve your kind here.” The mushroom says “why not I’m a fun guy”
What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
“Close the door! Can’t you see I’m dressing?”
PATIENT..Doctor , people keep ignoring me.
Q. What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
A. You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Q. How long did Cain hate his brother?
A. As long as he was able…
A grad student, a post-doc , and a professor are walking through a city park and they
find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the grad student. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat
with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless.” Poof! He’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the post-doc. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a
professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.” Poof! He’s gone.
“You’re next,” the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, “I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.”
A penguin walks into a store and asks the teller, “Do you have any grapes?”
“No.” He replies. This same thing happens the next day. On the third day the teller replies,”
No, and if you come in asking for grapes again I will nail your flippers to the floor!” On the
next the penguin walks in and asks,” Got any nails? “No.” Replies the teller. “Got any grapes!”
The penguin asks!
“I got that job down the bowling alley”, “What tenpin”, “No it’s permanent”