How To Respond To Negative People Without Being Negative
by Joe Martino
First off, I don’t want to get too caught up in this polarity of negative and positive. Just because we may not agree with what someone says sometimes doesn’t make them negative. It’s the same with information, simply because information may show that something going on is wrong, also doesn’t mean it’s negative. In the end, our perception of an experience is really what defines it.
Conversation and interaction amongst one another is probably the most important thing we have as humans as it’s how we learn from one another, work together, come up with solutions and share in experiences that bring us closer. Yet it seems like we have a tough time communicating a lot of the time.
In the video below I will quickly address the important things to remember when we are:
– In conversation with each other
– Arguing with each other
– Dealing with negative or aggressive people
A lot of times when I might be talking about something and someone might be coming back with a negative view, I use something I have made part of my life, not by technique but by nature. I simply respond in a caring and loving manner. What does that mean?
I don’t lash back at them, I don’t call them out for being negative, and I don’t get into an argumentative space. Even if they don’t agree with what I say or do, how rough the situation stays in my control. I understand that I’m not trying to win any argument or prove I’m right, I’m simply communicating ideas.
You can take things personally and start going back at them, or you can choose to understand their position. Think about how they may have arrived at that position or you can ask them to explain why they feel that way. Then simply say what’s in your heart. If you disagree with them, explain yourself from a place of calm. You can still put a lot of heart, soul and passion into something by not yelling and lashing back.
I will say that 95% of the time taking this approach immediately diffuses the situation and people actually begin to communicate much better. A lot of times it leaves an impact on them too. They ask themselves: “why was he/she so calm and cool?” Sometimes they even ask me afterwards how I stayed calm. It opens a door. There’s little benefit in responding in a matter that simply creates more friction.
Finally, turn it inward. Do you find yourself responding back to people in a negative manner? If so, ask yourself why? If you disagree with them, why can’t you share that respectfully and calmly -while communicating at a respectful level? When you search within yourself you will better understand what your own sensitivities are that are creating this response to begin with.