A girl with a red wig on goes to the doctor and the doctor asks “What seems to be the problem?” The girl says: “My body is on fire.” She touched her arm and screamed. She touched her cheek and screamed even louder. The doctor says: “You are a blonde aren’t you?” The girl says: “Yeah.” The doctor says: “Your finger’s broken.”
A neutron walks into a bar, and says “Give me a beer.”
The bartender says “Hey! Neutron! For you - no charge!”
There’s a man with three daughters.
The first daughter(a Brunette) comes up and says “Daddy why’d you name me Daisy” the dad says” ’cause when you were born a daisy fell on your head.”
The second daughter (a red-head) comes up and says “Daddy why’d you name me Rose” the dad says “’cause when you were born a rose fell on your head.”
The third daughter (a blonde) comes up and says “kjaglifvgjlfj” the dad says “SHUTUP CINDERBLOCK”
One morning, a girl says to her mum, “Does God use our bathroom?”
Her mum replies, “No dear, why do you ask?”
The little girl says, “Well, every morning daddy says ‘Oh God, are you still in there!”
A man driving into town spots a truck broken down on the side of the road. He stops to help. The truck driver says he is on his way to deliver some penguins to the zoo. The truck driver say, “I’ll give you some cash if you could take the penguins to the zoo for me.” The man agrees.
Later, when the truck is fixed,the truck driver drives into town and spots the man close to the zoo, walking with a row of pengiuns waddling behind him, away from the zoo.
The truck driver stops and asks, “What are you doing? I gave you money to take the penguins to the zoo?”
The man replies., “I did , but we got change so we’re going to the movies!”
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been seen.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well I was trying to commit suicide” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off???”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. “Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,” she said.
“So would I,” replied the technician. “It’s a floor-cleaning machine.”