What is green and if it were to fall from a tree would kill you? A snooker table
why don’t polar bears eat penguines?
because they can’t get the wrappers off…
A skeleton walks into a pub and says, “Pint of bitter and a mop.”
Doctor, Doctor, I can,t pronounce my F,s, T,s and H,s.
Well you can,t say fairer than that then
What did the bird say as it flew over ASDA? “Cheap Cheap”
For a laugh three french soldiers put mustard in their ears from then on they are called the three mustardears !!!
A blonde girl’s husband buys her a mobile phone. She takes it out and he decides to
test it out. He phones her and she answers it.
“It’s very good,” she says, “but how did you know I was at the hairdressers?”
A man walks into a bar and orders a pint. Then he hears little voices saying things like
‘Oooh, you look really nice’ and ‘That haircut really suits you’. He tells the barman about it
who says ‘Just ignore it, it’s the peanuts, they’re complimentary’.
* AN ardvark walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face.
A worried man goes to see his priest.
“Father, I am worried. I think that my wife is trying to poison me.”
Said the priest: “Hold on my son, let me talk to your wife and come back to see me tomorrow,
The following day the man aging came to his priest who tells him: “Well my son, I have talked to your wife for nearly two hours. My advise to you is :Take the poison”
Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree? A. Because it was dead
Q. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? A. Because it was holding on to the first koala.
Q. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? A. Because he thought it was a game.
Q. Why did the little boy fall off his bike? A. Because he was hit by three koalas.
*A horse walks into a bar, the bartender turns &!asks the horse whats with the long
*An Englishman, an Australian and an American walk into a bar. The barman asks them
“is this a joke?”
A man put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week. By Friday he could hardly
get his shoes on.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one .. but the light bulb really has to want to change.
What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
Did you hear about the termite who walked into an all-wooden bar and asked, “Is the
The doctor says to the patient, “You’re in excellent health – you’ll live to be 90.” The
patient replies, “But Doctor, I am 90 ” The doctor responds, “Well, that’s it, then.”
there are 3 wives who want to decide what to wear. first one says ,my husband has black hair I will wear a black dress. second says my husband hair is grey and I will wear a grey dress and the third one gets worried and starts panicking. when asked she tells the other two that her husband is bald so she would have to wear nothing to the party.
What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
answer : he was dead
A pork Pie walks into a Pub and says ‘Ill have a pint please’,to which the landlord
replies, ‘sorry we don,t serve food’.
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, “My dogs cross,eyed. Is there
anything you can do for it?”
“Well”, said the vet, “Let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up by the ears and has a
good look at its eyes.
“Well,” Says the vet, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“Just because he’s cross,eyed ?” said the man.
“No, because he’s heavy,” said the vet.